Who am I?

I am so mess up with myself recently. I don't know why I feel about anything anymore. I can't distinguish good and bad things. I feel scare of myself justifying everything that should have seemed nonsense. I regret with everything I did. And I always think of myself not good enough. I scared of myself because I sometime have cynical thoughts flashing through my mind. I feared that people can see through my mind because I can't help myself thinking too much things that I should not have even thought about. I wish to help people around me but at the same time, I fear that they think of me in a negatively way. I wish I can make people around me and make them feel warm but I sometimes find myself doing the opposite. I ignore who I care about and love the most. Am I mentally ill? Why I am thinking about so many things? It is growth? or stressed? both? I am so brave to face myself. I know I live in an emotional loop that I wish to break it as soon as possible. I sometimes say or type what I don't really think in that way? Now, I'm so confused with myself.  Who am I?? :((